A Love of Toothpaste
by Rubber-duckiesofdoom
Summary: Hermione and Ron come together thanks to Harry's... very interesting... scheme and a tube of yummy toothpaste. RomanceHumor 1-shot with a handfull of HPGW and a few other pairings that aren't interesting nor important.


A/N To all the people who are reading this who I've asked for longer chapters – forgive me! Now that I've posted my first… I see that two pages takes up so little room. Gah.

**On with the fic:**

A Love of Toothpaste 

Harry and Ginny smiled contentedly. They were so happy Hermione and Ron had finally gotten together – though it had taken a bloody good time. Honestly! They had been out of Hogwarts for 3 long, plotting, attempted matchmaking, years. However, it was all thanks to the love that they had shared of the Crest Whitening toothpaste (A/N: I know, I know, but it was what I used this morning and it was so _minty fresh_ that I just _had_ to put it in there!) that Harry had bought in muggle London when for some reason every single store had been sold out.

Turning to Ginny he had asked, "Who in the world needs that much toothpaste? I mean, unless your whole clan decided they all needed new toothpaste…" - which would just about amount to that much– there was Bill and Fleur with their 7 year old, Rochelle, Charlie and his wife Juliet with the twin boys Brian and Michael, Fred and Angelina, who was pregnant, along with George and Alicia, a few months ahead. Ginny and Harry were engaged (a bit earlier than Harry was planning, he had just went to the cinema and seen Meet the Fockers after he heard Ginny was pregnant, and realized Mr. Weasley liked him, so he wouldn't have all that trouble, AND he hadn't slept with the housekeeper, plus it seemed a good time to propose anyway.) He counted again, and realized he had forgotten the gitball Percy. He and Penelope had had twins also, whom they named Jupiter and Neptune, in hopes of bestowing their parents "holiness" upon the kids, but last time Harry heard, they were just like Fred and George. He had to say he felt bad for them just a bit… bit being the key word there.

She had answered him with a very rude "I don't know. But I have this weird craving for pickles and ice cream, so you can go to some muggle store and get it, okay? Bye."

Finally, he went to a groceries store and retrieved the first thing he set eyes on. After being hit on by the cashier, he rushed out of the store and back to the flat they were all renting. Suddenly, he had an idea. He had always thought mistletoe was stupid – how is it supposed to be a surprise if you can see it blatantly hanging from the ceiling just yelling "Kiss under me – I don't care if the other one is an asshole, it's the rule!" So he put amorus totalus (A/N: I was looking through my dear Ecce Romani Latin textbook, but it didn't really have any spells. It would have been really awesome if Cornelia and Flavia were wicken or something though… haha weird thought.) on the toothpaste. Smiling, he thought started doing the worst dance known to mankind; the "I'm a cool boy lets pretend I can dance and do a cross legged spin thing and trip over my own legs" dance along with the most egocentric chant he could possibly think of - "OH YAAAAA I'M GOOD!" just as Ginny walked in. She looked at him tripping over himself and banging his elbow for a while before putting an end to the fun and telling him she was there. But she still thought to herself 'where is that damn camera Colin always carried around when you need it?' in frustration.

It was Sunday morning, and for once in her life, Hermione woke up late. She and Ron had a race to the bathroom to brush their teeth, however, they didn't know they had two amused spectators.

Ginny and Harry had bets on who was going to say something first after they passionately kissed (It had to be passionate, as long as the two victims were meant for each other). Ginny was betting on Ron, but Harry knew it had to be Hermione. It just HAD to be. But instead of kissing, they saw the two soul mates begin to have a heated argument.

"What do you mean YOU should have the toothpaste?"

"It's obvious, I was here first, and I need it more! You're always complaining that I have horrible breath Hermione, and now you decide I shouldn't use toothpaste?!"

"But COME ON Ron! Honestly, I'm the woman. Gentlemen always say 'ladies first'. That includes using the damn toothpaste!"

"No. Give that back! I swear I'll take it from y"

- Silence- -

The couple looked at each other. They both had to be very sneaky – such was life if you were living with the other. If you weren't paying attention either would lie to have it their way. No money was safe in the world of Harry and Ginny.

- Finally they heard- -

"WHICH ONE OF YOU EVIL SCHEMING ASSHOLES DID THAT!" the friends cried in unison.

"Because we're bloody well gonna kill you whoever it was"

Ginny smirked. Tomorrow she was going to go shopping. Sticking out her tongue at her fiancé, who cringed at Ron's voice, she said,

"Do you honestly think I would do that? Of course not my dear brother! It was _all_ Harry here!"

Hermione ran out and screamed " No way Ron! You are NOT going to beat up Harry! We are going to have a proper hearing for him!"

They all groaned and Harry finally spoke up. "Nope. Neither of you are going to do anything until you eat these cunningly truth-potioned cookies made with love by yours truly" with a truly malicious grin on his face.

Both protested, but in a flash of orange Ginny had stuffed the cookies into her friends' mouths. Ron yelled the most, but realized it was chocolate macadamia, and greedily asked for more, not because Harry was a particularly good cook, but because there was no way you could ruin chocolate. No way.

After a few minutes, Ginny asked with a completely strait face, "Hermione, if you don't mind me asking, are you, or are you not, in love with Ron?" Hermione replied in an annoyed voice " I do mind you asking, but I am in love with him." all the while glaring daggers at her evil friend.

Harry asked Ron the same, without the minding part, because it wasn't fun to hear Ron curse when he was mad. Ron replied that he was hopelessly in love with Hermione, and that if they would take the damn ropes of him, he would snog her to the end of her life this very moment. They did, but instead, felt two crazed friends jump on the couple and start putting them through a form of torcher so horrible, Voldy himself had not thought of it. And it was called

"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO – TICKLE TORCHER – AHHHHHHHHHHH"

Finally, after a lot of fighting, the two got up and dusted of their pajamas with smirks on their face.

"Let that be a lesson to you, my dears" Hermione stated tartly, and proceeded to snog Ron.

" And that, my lovely wife who seems to have selective memory, is why Ron loves toothpaste so much, though I have no idea how you forgot."


End file.
